Stormy

1 Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue! 2 Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. 3 Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. 4 Drive carefully ... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker. 5 If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. 6 If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 7 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. 8 Never buy a car you can't push. 9 Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on. 10 Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 11 Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late. 12 The second mouse gets the cheese. 13 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 14 Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. 16 Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once. 17 We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. 18 A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. 19 Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY 20 Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That's 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying,"That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet. Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida . They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price, plus they all have coupons..."

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page onthe Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man puts it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

LOL

chat.koach.com on port 6667 for most IRC Clients or http://www.koach.com/chatlogin.php?client=web for most web browsers.

Just make sure you get all the seeds out of the Jalapenos

That kid will have an interesting life.

Happy Birthday Justin

Happy Birthday TV

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... And then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! "But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"

LOL good one Henry

You need to trim them sideburns

Happy Birthday Henry

LOL

oof

LOL

ROFL

I resemble that remark

Happy Birthday Catgirl

LOL

LOL

I resemble that remark!!

ROFL

Very pretty Troy, thanks for sharing

I resemble that remark