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Stormy

Sysops
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Everything posted by Stormy

  1. Stormy

    BUD THE COWBOY

    A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page onthe Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ... Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man puts it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.
  2. LOL
  3. chat.koach.com on port 6667 for most IRC Clients or http://www.koach.com/chatlogin.php?client=web for most web browsers.
  4. Just make sure you get all the seeds out of the Jalapenos
  5. That kid will have an interesting life.
  6. Happy Birthday Justin
  7. Happy Birthday TV
  8. Stormy

    How's your day?

    There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... And then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! "But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
  9. Stormy

    Dropped your wallet

    LOL good one Henry
  10. You need to trim them sideburns
  11. Happy Birthday Henry
  12. Stormy

    An honest lawyer

    LOL
  13. oof
  14. Stormy

    Currency difference

    LOL
  15. ROFL
  16. Stormy

    The old man's leg

    I resemble that remark
  17. Happy Birthday Catgirl
  18. Stormy

    Thumb sucking

    LOL
  19. LOL
  20. Stormy

    Duck hunter

    I resemble that remark!!
  21. Stormy

    The nagging wife

    ROFL
  22. Very pretty Troy, thanks for sharing
  23. Stormy

    the blood

    I resemble that remark
  24. Happy Mother's Day, if you qualify.
  25. Happy Birthday Zimri
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