Stormy

Thanks to Leslie for this little gem, very succinct explanation. It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that is how the bailout package works!

A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. Does this sound familiar to anyone? This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys on the table, Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back On the table and take out the garbage first... But then I think, Since I'm going to be near the mailbox When I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, And see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, So I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking . I'm going to look for my checks, But first I need to push the Pepsi aside So that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Pepsi is getting warm, And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, A vase of flowers on the counter Catches my eye--they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and Discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, But first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter , Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, But first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, But quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, Get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to Remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: The car isn't washed, The bills aren't paid, There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, The flowers don't have enough water, There is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, And I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, And I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.... Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you know, Because I don't remember who I've sent it to. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry.

Just finished up with the Fourth of July (Independence Day) celebrations, next Holiday here will be, (I'm talking about National Holidays, not religious Holy Days) Purple Heart (This is a Medal/Decoration given to Military members who have been wounded in action) day,August 7, 2015.

Happy Birthday Dood

Happy Birthday Tony

Happy Birthday, America

Happy Birthday, TV_Tech

Aye!!

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do; it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish."I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!" A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing."What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies. A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies."The rope should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe." An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asks: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

WORDS AND PHRASES REMIND US OF THE WAY WE WORD By Richard Lederer About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included "Don't touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry." A bevy of readers have asked me to shine light on more faded words and expressions, and I am happy to oblige: Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker and straighten up and fly right. Hubba-hubba! We'd cut a rug in some juke joint and then go necking and petting and smooching and spooning and billing and cooing and pitching woo in hot rods and jalopies in some passion pit or lovers' lane. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China! Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back.. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore. Like Washington Irving's Rip Van Winkle and Kurt Vonnegut's Billy Pilgrim, we have become unstuck in time. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, "I'll be a monkey's uncle!" or "This is a fine kettle of fish!" we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, ave vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards. Poof, poof, poof go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone, evanesced from the landscape and wordscape of our perception, like Mickey Mouse wristwatches, hula hoops, skate keys, candy cigarettes, little wax bottles of colored sugar water and an organ grinder's monkey. Where have all those phrases gone? Long time passing. Where have all those phrases gone? Long time ago: Pshaw. The milkman did it. Think about the starving Armenians. Bigger than a bread box. Banned in Boston. The very idea! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Turn-of-the-century. Iron curtain. Domino theory. Fail safe. Civil defense. Fiddlesticks! You look like the wreck of the Hesperus. Cooties. Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. Heavens to Murgatroyd! And awa-a-ay we go! Oh, my stars and garters! It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter had liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff, this winking out of the words of our youth, these words that lodge in our heart's deep core. But just as one never steps into the same river twice, one cannot step into the same language twice. Even as one enters, words are swept downstream into the past, forever making a different river. We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. It's one of the greatest advantages of aging. We can have archaic and eat it, too.

It always gets better

Marcie is a pretty sharp chick!!

Not really, Nan, but it gave me some time to think on how my lack of patience was holding me back in my interpersonal relationships. So I can't say that it was a loss at all.

And: Blondie had large cataracts removed from both eyes. She can now see better than I can, but they are still in the healing stage, she has an appointment with an Optometrist July 6 and we'll see what happens from there. Thank you to all who inquired about her condition.

This all started on Monday 8 June, 2015. We were using her truck because the transmission is going bad in my car. I took Blondie to Midland for a doctor's appointment, when we were done there, we went to Pet Smart to pick up some food, halters, leashes, etc for our dogs, truck was running fine at this point. As I started out into very heavy traffic on the frontage road for Loop 250 at Wadley Avenue the truck started bucking and sputtering, finally just going dead. I put on my hazard flashers, raised the hood, had Blondie call AAA for a tow while I went back and flagged people around. Two young men got out of their truck and pushed us up onto a raised area separating two flows of traffic. After about 30 minutes or so a tow truck arrived (one of those flat bed trucks) while they were loading the truck, my Nephew and his wife drove by and recognized our truck. They took us to meet my Sister who was in town taking my Niece to her doctor, so from that point we were on the way home. Left the truck with a mechanic and told him to fix whatever was wrong. Friday, 12 June we were told that the truck was ready to go, they'd replaced all spark plugs and plug wires (1996 Ford Ranger 4 cylinders use two plugs per cylinder). Blondie called everyone we know and everyone had plans for the next few days, except one friend, he said he could take me to Midland on Monday, 15 June, we agreed. Saturday 16 June, this "friend" tells me that he can't take me because someone wanted him to fix a leaky pipe on Monday (why not Saturday, right?). We did some internet searches and made some phone calls, I caught a bus Sunday 16 June at 10:45 AM, going to be in Midland at 2:45 PM, she called a taxi cab, they were going to pick me up at the bus stop at 3:00 PM. No such luck, about 5 or 6 miles out of town the bus blew a tire and we sat there until 4:30 PM when a tire repair guy finally got us on the road. Got to Midland about 8:00 PM. Stayed at a Hotel overnight, picked up the truck and headed home, got home, decent night's sleep, decided to head for El Paso about 2:30 PM, made reservations for two nights at a Hotel. At this point, everything was going great, all the way to El Paso the truck ran fantastically well. Got inside the El Paso City Limits and BOOM, the truck quit on me. After sitting there thinking about things for a few minutes, a car pulled up next to us, he said he was a mechanic and could he look at our fuel filter. I said Why Not? Fuel filter was good, he had me crank it a few times and then said he was fairly certain it was the fuel pump. He followed us to the Hotel where we had reservations for two nights. Just as we got therte the truck died again, I barely managed to get it into a handicap spot next to the Lobby Portico (no power brakes or steering), went in, registered, told Desk Clerk what the problem was, she said "No problem Sir, let me know if I can do anything" Mechanic says he will be back around 2-3 PM to replace fuel pump. Blondie has an appointment with eye Surgeon for 9:30 next morning. We go to bed . . . eventually. Next morning, we catch a cab to the appointment, eye surgeon says "Oh, this is bad, we need to fix it right now, let's go" go in and cut off the lens of her left eye, cut off the cataract (Doctor said it was HUGE), then tells her to be there at 9:30 the next morning to do the other eye. We get back to the Hotel, wait . . . wait . . . wait some more, finally at 4:30 Blondie calls the guy, he says "I've had a small problem, I'll be there in an hour or so". About 7 PM he calls us and says he's on his way. About 9 PM he shows up with his wife and a car full of boxes (I still have no idea what was going on with him, didn't ask) he gives me some long song and dance, I tell him, again, that I can't hear but here's what we'll do. I'd given him $100.00 for following us to the Hotel and to buy the fuel pump. So I told him that from this point on, that $100 was his,and that I'd expect him at the truck at 12 Noon the following day, that I had AAA and the Pep Boys right up the street had worked on my Crown Vic and I would call them if he wasn't there. Next day (Thursday), he shows up, we go get the pump, he installs it, truck is running fine again. Friday, I get up bright and early and head for Fort Bliss, stop on the way and get my High and Tight touched up, go to VA and got one of my hearing aids fixed . . . sort of. Started for home, got to the Border Patrol Check point about 60 miles out of El Paso . . . that's right, truck died. Called AAA, truck picked us up, took us to a shop, guy says "You're out of gas" I say "HUH, my gauge shows a 1/4 tank", he says "You're still out of gas" goes and gets a 5 gallon can, puts it in the tank, truck fired right up and been running like a top ever since. AND THAT'S HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION

Shirley Goodnest A mom was concerned about her child walking home from school by himself so she asked a neighbor who walked her baby every day to follow him to make sure he was safe. One morning the boy was walking to school with a friend when the friend asked "Do you know some woman is following us?" The boy said "Oh that's just Shirley Goodnest. His friend said "Who is Shirley Goodnest and why is she following us?" The boy said "My mom always reads the 23rd Psalm to me every night and in the 23rd Psalm it says 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy will follow me all the days of my life'". "So I guess I'll just have to get used to it." :>)

Thanks, DarrinzEr, Although the next holiday here is Father's Day, that's tomorrow, June 21, 2015

That is quite interesting. I didn't know half that much, thanks for sharing, Henry.

How true, all good advice for everyone, not just people in business. I've heard it said "in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend"

Happy Birthday Star, if you're still ion Texas, I know some mens, want me to send a few over?

Happy Birthday Henry عيد ميلاد سعيد هنري : Let me know if this is wrong, I got it from Google translate

It also opens with open office writer, just open writer first, then go to "file" "open" then navigate to the story's download folder and double click or single click, whatever you do to open a file on your computer.

you can't Get anyone to do something they don't want to do and as far as making him want to come, he's known about it for years, but where he is, it's a bad time for him, I think, you could ask him is all I can suggest, see if he has any interest, I've never seen him express an interest in reading, have you?

California The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites the Governor. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state. TEXAS The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog. The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. The buzzards eat the dead coyote. And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas isn't.