Stormy

No, I heard about it though when I was in Norfolk.

Blondes, Blondes, Blondes I got kind of carried away on this one, noir detectives are probably my favorite reading adventure. Dashiel Hammet, Raymond Chandler, Mickey Spillane, Ross McDonald, Robert B. Parker to name just a few, who can forget Bogey in the Maltese Falcon, the novel was done by Hammet. So I copied this to RTF, HTML and TXT Thanks Smiley Blondes blondes blondes.htm Blondes.rtf Blondes blondes blondes.txt

I'm positive I do, live in a Nation run by idiots that is. Although banning plastic bags was a good thing in my opinion, I've tried to count how many I've seen hangin on trees, fences, animal horns (Deer and cow mostly) etc, and gave up, the sooner they're all gone the better off our country will look.

I hope so

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area". The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So he continued on his way. However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain." So the king hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. And the practice is unbroken to this day...

Note: This should probably go into the General Discussion board It's attributed to Jeff Foxworthy. If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots. THINK BEFORE YOU VOTE!

A blonde bought two horses and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut off the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail. Our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again, our blonde friend couldn't tell the two horses apart. The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

Dawn, Maybe take some remedial course during the summer and try again next fall or winter? Anyway, sorry to hear you were having problems with it. College level classes are hard enough and when you add raising two boys, it becomes much more difficult.

Cool radios!!

Can I have a penny?

Sorry, I was out of it yesterday. I have to say that Dawn gave the answer closest to mine. My complete answer follows "*When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED and, when the right one catches you with the wrong one,you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!"

This was sent to me as a joke, but to me and maybe a few of you, it's how we lived and it's certainly no joke! Darn, I'm older than dirt!! Someone asked the other day,,,,,,,,,,,,, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up ?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up, I informed him, 'All the food was slow.' 'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' 'It was a place called 'at home,' I explained! 'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, We sat down together at the dining room table, & if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, Never wore Levis, Never set foot on a golf course, Never traveled out of the country and Never had a credit card . My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow) before that, I walked to and from. We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white (and had about a 10" round screen), and the station went off the air at 11, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people ... I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was & so was bread . All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 5 AM every morning, 7 days a week . Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies! There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive . If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust their gut laughing . Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it ? MEMORIES : My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old . How many do you remember ? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor . Ignition switches on the dashboard . Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards . Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner . Using hand signals for cars without turn signals . Older Than Dirt Quiz : Count all the ones that you remember , NOT the ones you were told about ! Ratings at the bottom . 1. Candy cigarettes 2. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes 3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles 4. Party lines on the telephones 5. Newsreels before the movie 6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels!! If you had a TV!! 7. Pea-shooters 8. Howdy Doody 9. 45 RPM records 10. 78 rpm records 11. Hi-fi records 33 1/3 rpm 12. Metal ice trays with lever 13. Blue flashbulb 14. Cork popguns 15. Studebakers 16. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age, & If you remembered 11-16 = You're older than dirt !!! THAT'S ME !!! I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life . Don't forget to pass this along !! Especially to all your really OLD friends

How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. What do you think? I'll leave this for a week, then post the best answer along with the answer that I think is best. Check on Friday March 11, 2016 for the answers

lol

Summary of Life GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 5) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge... mostly sweet, with a few nuts 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD: 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: How true this one is. At age 4 success is . . . ... Not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is ... . . Having friends. At age 17 success is ..... . Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is . ... . Having money. At age 50 success is . .. .. Having money. At age 70 success is . ... . Having a drivers license. At age 75 success is ... ... Having friends. At age 80 success is . .. .. Not piddling in your pants. Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Terrible things, cyclones and hurricanes. My family and I were in Hurricane Audrey in June of 1957. My dad was on a job in Sulfur, LA and we were staying in a motel on US 90 (now I-10) next to a drive-in theatre, the screen was blown down and impacted the wing of the motel we were in. We moved to New Orleans as soon after as we were able to travel. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Audrey In the United States, Audrey killed at least 416 people, the majority of which were in Cameron Parish Louisiana, though the final death total may never be known. 15 in Canada most in Quebec.

CYA later, Happy Birthday

PETA People Eat Tasty Animals Excellent answers all

After leaving office on January 20, 2017, former President Barack Obama discovered a leak under his sink, so he called Troy the Plumber to come out and fix it.Troy drove to President Obama's new house, which is located in a very exclusive, gated community near Chicago, where all the residents have a net income of way more than $250,000 per year. Troy arrived and took his tools into the house. He was led to the guest bathroom that contained the leaky pipe under the sink. Troy assessed the problem and told Obama that it was an easy repair & that will take less than 10 minutes. Obama asked Troy how much it would cost. Troy checked his rate chart and said, "$9,500". $9,500?!" Obama asked, stunned, "But you said it's an easy repair. Michelle will whip me if I pay a plumber that much!" "What?! Troy said, "Yes, but what I do is charge to those who make more than $250,000 per year a much higher amount so I can fix the plumbing of poorer people for free. This has always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied the Democrat Congress, who passed this philosophy into law. Now all plumbers must do business this way. It's known as the 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014'. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it." In spite of that, Obama told Troy there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Troy left. Obama spent the next hour flipping through the phone book and calling for another plumber, but he found that all other plumbing businesses in the area had gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Troy's price, Obama does nothing and the leak goes un-repaired for several more days. A week later the leak is so bad Obama had to put a bucket under the sink. Michelle is not happy as she has Oprah and guests arriving the next morning. The bucket filled up quickly and had to be emptied every hour, and there was a risk the room will flood, so Obama called Troy and pleaded with him to return. Troy went back to Obama's house, looked at the leaky pipe, checked his new rate chart and said, "Let's see, this will now cost you $21,000." Obama quickly fired back, "What? A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!" Troy explained, "Well, because of the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' a lot of wealthier people are learning how to maintain and take care of their own plumbing, so there are fewer payers in the plumbing exchanges. As a result, the price I have to charge wealthy people like you keeps rising. Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work by those who get it for free has skyrocketed! There's a long waiting list of those who need repairs, but the amount we get doesn't cover our costs, especially paperwork and record-keeping.This ,unfortunately, has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, they're not being replaced, and nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they can't make any money at it. I'm hurting too, all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their 'fair share'. On the other hand, why didn't you buy plumbing insurance last December? If you had bought plumbing insurance available under the 'Affordable Plumbing Act,' all this would have been covered by your policy." "You mean I wouldn't have to pay anything to have you fix my plumbing problem?" asks Obama. "Well, not exactly," replied Troy. "You would have had to buy the insurance before the deadline, which has passed now. And, because you're rich, you would have had to pay $34,000 in premiums, which would have given you a 'silver' plan, and then, since this would have been your first repair, you would have to pay up to the $21,000 deductible, and anything over that would have a $7,500 co-pay, and then there's the mandatory maintenance program, which is covered up to 17.5%, so there are some costs involved. Nothing is free." "WHAT?!" exclaimed Obama. "Why so much for a puny sink leak?!" With a bland look, Troy replied, "Well, paperwork, mostly, like I said. And the internal cost of the program itself. >p>You don't think a program of this complexity and scope can run itself, do you? Besides, there are millions of folks with lower incomes than you, even many in the 'middle class', who qualify for subsidies that people like you must support. That's why they call it the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'! Only people who don't make much money can afford it. If you want affordable plumbing, you'll have to give away most of what you have accumulated and cut your and Michelle's income by about 90%. Then you can qualify to GET your 'Fair Share' instead of GIVING it." "But who would pass a crazy act like the 'Affordable Plumbing Act'?!" exclaimed the exasperated Obama. After a sigh, Troy replied, "Congress ... because they didn't read it." This will help you understand Obamacare .... And here you have it, the 'Affordable Plumbing Act of 2014'.What a marvelous explanation this is, although somebody spent an awful lot of time thinking this one up!!!

LOL, you beat me to it TV, I was going to put this up, I guess I'll have to explain the 'Affordable Healthcare act' instead http://www.koach.com/forum/index.php?/topic/8186-affordable-plumbing-act/

LOL, I dunno why I just today looked back at this thread. That was taken back in 97 right after we got her, she's sitting on top of my old 15" CRT monitor, that's a 25' tape measure next to her, she was about 3 or 4 months old at that time.

After retiring, a former Gunnery Sergeant took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart mouth punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former soldier, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. With a strong breeze blowing, it made his tie flap. He picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence. The rest of the year went smoothly.

He's probably actually thinking "OK Damnit, don't take all day, I need food"

readers-log-1-23-1016.txt Evaluation of Entertainment value: 3.6 Evaluation of Artistic Value: 3.56 Evaluation of Chat: 5 (rounded, we had one 4.8)