TV_Tech

Black eyes A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye." "Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked. "Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."

aka water vs hydrogen peroxide

Dihydrogen Monoxide vs Dihydrogen Dioxide :o

Nova Scotian Hodge Podge "This is an old favourite vegetable stew from Nova Scotia. Is typically made in the fall as gardens are just harvested. It is important that the freshest veggies are used. This recipe very much lends itself to tinkering by adding different vegetables and quantities." 12 baby new potatoes, cut in half 1 cup (250 mL) thickly sliced carrots 2 cups (500 mL) broccoli florets 1 cup (250 mL) sugar snap peas, snow peas or green beans, trimmed 1/2 cup (125 mL) frozen green peas 2 tbsp (30 mL) butter 1 small onion, finely chopped 1/2 tsp (2 mL) dried tarragon or dried savoury or dried thyme Salt and pepper, to taste 2 tbsp (30 mL) all-purpose flour 1 1/2 cups (375 mL) Milk, heated 2 tsp (10 mL) Dijon mustard or dry mustard 2 tbsp (30 mL) chopped fresh basil or dill (optional) In a large saucepan, combine potatoes and carrots; add cold water to cover by 2 inches (5 cm) and 1/2 tsp (2 mL) salt. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat. Uncover, reduce heat and boil gently for 10 min or until potatoes are almost tender. Add broccoli, sugar snap peas and green peas; boil for 3 min or until tender-crisp. Drain; set aside. Return pan to medium heat; melt butter. Saut

that's one huge basket of chocolatey goodness

Grab a kayak and hang on for the ride!! ....oh yea, don't forget the fishing gear for the end of ride thanks Nan!!

LOL!! I'm reminded of this joke: A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

is IRC considered a "reality show" ?? :o

eewwww

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a. Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans walk into a bar. "I'm sorry," says the barkeep', after scrutinizing the group, "You can't come in here without a Thai. "

Bill and Ralph were approaching the first tee. Ralph goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it." Bill replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?" Ralph replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it." Obviously, Bill doesn't believe him, but Ralph shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. Bill says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball!" Ralph replies, "I found it."

A woman calls in a plumber when her washing machine breaks down. The plumber arrives, studies the machine, then produces a hammer and gives it a hefty whack. The washing machine starts working again and the plumber presents a bill for £200. 'Two hundred pounds?' says the woman. 'All you did was hit it with the hammer.' So the plumber gives her an itemised bill: 'Hitting washing machine with a hammer - £5. Knowing where to hit it - £195.'

A blond woman desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid. Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave £10,000 in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park." then she signed it 'THE BLOND' and told the kid to give it to his mom. The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag. It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said, "How could you do this to another blond woman?"

What dog can jump higher than a building? Any dog, buildings can't jump!

A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.

I thought some folks might find this handy when trying to navigate Win8 Windows8 Desktop Keyboard Shortcutshttp://blogs.msdn.com/b/santhoshonline/archive/2012/08/05/windows8-desktop-keyboard-shortcuts.aspx

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza ." "Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown." The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies, "Property? ... the jerk has a paper route!"

HOSPITAL BILL A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Lawlor Island is one of the least know islands in Halifax harbour. It's most recent use was that of a small pox quarantine center. More on Lawlor Island can be found here: http://www.pier21.ca/blog/steve-schwinghamer/lawlors-island-results Nan will like the first couple photos. They're of an old grave yard there with some mystery of unknown burials. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawlor_Island Lawlor Island or Lawlor's Island is a small island near the mouth of Halifax Harbour in Nova Scotia, Canada. Measuring approximately 55 hectares (136 acres), it is located opposite MacCormacks Beach in Eastern Passage and McNabs Island in the Halifax Regional Municipality. The island is undeveloped woodland and the protected home of deer and osprey. HistoryThe Mi'kmaq people were the island's first inhabitants. On September 30, 1750, Captain Thomas Bloss was granted an island in Halifax Harbour which later bore his name. Bloss Island was one of many names used for the island until the late 19th century, when it became widely known as Lawlor Island. In 1758, the island bore the name Webb's Island. In 1792, it was referred to as Carroll's Island. In 1821, James Lawlor, into whose hands the island had passed, offered a reward for the conviction of persons who had stolen his sheep from the island. In this notice the island is referred to as McNamara's Island. Thomas Chandler Haliburton, in 1829, refers to the island as Duggan's Island. Shortly afterwards the island was referred to as Warren's Island. Quarantine stationIn 1866, after a fatal outbreak of cholera on McNabs Island, the Dominion Council of Canada purchased Lawlor's Island for use as a quarantine station.[dubious – discuss] At first, the government had difficulty in finding the island's owner. Many local residents (most on the Eastern Passage side) protested against the idea of having infectious disease so close to their homes; some were concerned about germs that would blow across the fields and water into their homes. Many port officials and doctors also protested against the idea, being concerned that Lawlor's Island had no natural springs or fresh water, and also that the flow of ice during the winter would create difficulties in bringing boats in. An early quarantine officer was Dr William Wickwire, who assumed responsibility for quarantine duties after the indefinite suspension of Dr Gossip for incompetence. Dr Norman McKay took control of these duties soon afterwards. By 1900, officials had the island fitted with a deep-water wharf, a shallow-water wharf (on the Eastern Passage side), two hospitals and a convalescent building, a disinfection autoclave, baths with needle showers[clarification needed], a bacteria diagnosis laboratory, a first, second and third-class detention hall, an ambulance building, many residences and staff housing; also, the building that was referred to as "the long shed" or "German Hospital" on McNabs Island was taken down and reassembled on the west side of the island. The buildings were not winterized, but by 1908 a winterized hospital and power plant had been built. Not long after World War I, a submarine cable was installed from Eastern Passage, receiving power from Dartmouth and on the highest point of land, right next to a frost-proof cement cistern built 20 years prior, a 360,000-litre (80,000 imperial gallon) water tower was erected, thus solving the problem of a steady flow of fresh water on the island. With advances in medical science, the discovery of penicillin and vaccination programs, major infectious diseases were now a much reduced threat to public health, and the emergency use of Lawlor's Island as a quarantine station was falling rapidly. During the 1920s and 1930s, the cost of salaries, supplies, and services outweighed the benefits of quarantining minor infectious diseases on Lawlor's Island. Costs included telephone charges, uniforms and large quantities of drugs and medical supplies. Following the Paris International Sanitary Convention of 1926, the Canadian deputy minister of health decided that it would cease to house quarantine patients in May 1938. The island was purchased by the Canadian government for use as a medical station during the Second World War, to treat venereal diseases brought back by servicemen from Europe. Today it is part of the McNabs Island Provincial Park Reserve.

awesome thanks Stormy

The Aging Explorer A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"

Blond Job A blond walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer: What's 2+2? Blond: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square root of 100? Blond: Ummmm... 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blond: Ummmm... I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. The blond goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Work Two guys work for the city: one furiously digs a hole, the other quickly fills the hole. A confused passerby asks, "Why do you dig a hole and fill it up again?" The digger leans on his shovel and replies, "The lazy jackass who plants the trees is sick again today."

Punography I tried to catch some Fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words. They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! Broken pencils are pointless. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner? Oh deer! Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.