Stormy

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he always made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how? "No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride." The man says, "Ok!" They take off and the driver yells back, "Just yell beep beep if I’m going to fast." No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eye’s widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and they're off! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept: "Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street." "What’s so weird about that?" asks the other cops. The first cop says, "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!"

I decided to train my dogs properly and bought this book, works great.

I dunno, the one in the paddle holster is just about right, plus easily concealed under a jacket.

6%? That many?

I agree that this could be a long drawn out process. That being said, I also believe that the DOJ and FBI should be looking through these emails and indicted all of them for attempting to subvert the Election results, therefore attempting to subvert the American Government's operations.

Thanks to Elusive_Butterfly The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution. Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers. Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy. In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?

I think, in that pic, Bill looks more like he's not all that well to me.

LOL, and poor Chelsea looks like "Oh God Mom, just shut up"

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."

Well, look at the average voter in the US. The average voter just votes in one of two ways' The way he's told to vote in the last ad he sees, or for the person that promises the most to him personally. I don't call that real bright and from what I see around the internet, the UK is just as bad or worse.

Glad to see you back, Dawn and I agree with smiley, I've never been able to connect to IRC in a hospital or clinic environment.

I sure don't

Thank you for using it to keep us updated, we worry when people drop off the radar after being a part of our online family for so long. Don't hesitate to log on i9n your own name if you feel like it, we welcome visitors Have a safe trip home and give our best to all the family.

Thanks, I'm sure she's ready to get to the bottom of it as well. Still praying for the whole family.

2. Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work. Taken from http://humoropedia.com/funny-political-jokes/

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno~ The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII~ We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office ~Aesop~ If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers~ Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~Nikita Khrushchev~ When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow~ Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton~ Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author unknown~ Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer~ I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~ A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Tex Guinan~ I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~Charles de Gaulle~ Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson~ There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on congressmen. ~Will Rogers~

I'm glad things are looking up and look forward to her coming back and giving me someone to make fun of and tell her to get that mangy mutt out of my flower bed LOL, Ask her what that refers to.

I got it in an email, I had no idea it was a hoax, but I'd have posted it anyway for a laugh or two. You know how strange my mind is

Thanks for the update. It's good that she's conscious now. As for passwords, I'm sure Koach will check this thread later and advise about access to password. However, you could always go to the top of the page and register your own account and password. If you need an help with that, you could ask here and one of us will help. Stormy

The following image is from: http://www.dailywire.com/news/5361/can-trump-beat-hillary-here-are-latest-polls-james-barrett# And here is the tossup map: From the same link as above.

See anything Strange here? The Original Picture Makes me wonder if maybe the polls are inflated in the same basic way, eh?

That's exactly what's happening here now.

Thank you for this, we also value Dawn. Please keep us posted, I'm making a guess that this is Laurie. While I can't speak for everyone, I will be praying for her and her family. Just tell her the Old Golden Shellback is thinking of her.

Thank you

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.-- John Adams 2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain 3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain 5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw 6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy 7. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian 8. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. --Ronald Reagan (1986) 9. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers 10. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -- P. J. O'Rourke 11. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866) 12. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous 13. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill 14. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain 15. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. -- Mark Twain 16. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians --Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995) FIVE BEST SENTENCES 1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. 2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. 3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. 5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!