Stormy

Congratulations, Dawn

I have come to bring you peace. Not the peace of the season, for it is too fleeting, Not the peace of the carol, for it is nostalgic, Not the peace of the greeting card, for it is too slick, Not the peace of the crib, for it is too wistful. Rather, I have come to bring you peace, Peace of the ordinary, the daily, the homely, Peace for the worker, the driver, the student, Peace in the office, the kitchen, the farm. I have come to bring you peace, The peace of accepting yourself as I fashioned you. The peace of knowing yourself as I know you, The peace of loving yourself as I love you, The peace of being yourself as I am who I am. I have come to bring you peace, The peace that warms you at the completion of a task, The peace that invades you at the close of the day, The peace that sustains you at the beginning of the day, The peace that reinforces you when you are reconciled with one another. The peace that touches you when your family is in order. Without peace, my coming is unfulfilled. Without peace, my birth is forgettable. Without peace, Christmas is a contradiction. I have come to bring you peace.

I'm happy . . . We shall see what the future brings

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yours.

Merry Christmas Dawn and Dawn's family.

Probably higher, IMO

* Redneck "Book of Manners" * 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a UHaul to the funeral home. **** DINING OUT **** 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. **** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME **** 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. **** PERSONAL HYGIENE **** 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days; however, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. **** DATING (Outside the Family) **** 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad." **** WEDDINGS **** 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack. **** DRIVING ETIQUETTE **** 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

LOL

Heart-warming lawyer story One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass ?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the second poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also." The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!" "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story? Look at Congress -- over 300 Lawyers!!!

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour, the chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. "That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?" "I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."

Happy Birthday Space_BSRP

Experts have found the following analysis to be near 100% accurate. 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated. 9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people who are in prison, who used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents who are currently free on bail. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores. 11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans. 12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store. 13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

yes, we can say that he shouldn't have nude photos, can we also say that only a total moron would hand his phone over to someone he doesn't know from Adam? In my mind, once he handed that phone over, he lost all expectations of privacy.

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base to be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?" The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!" The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?" The young man says, "I chop wood!" "Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?" "I chop wood!" "Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!" "Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!" "Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!" The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

When did you start driving Dodge pickups Dawn. Easy to see why you quit though.

There was an old man who always rode his bike to his brother’s house every weekend. It took him 2 hours and he always made it by there by 2PM. One day he tried to make it in 1 hour. Collapsing on a hill from exhaustion, while sitting there, a Corvette pulls up and asks him if he needs a ride. The man looks at his watch and sees he would be late if not, but there is already a passenger, so he asks how? "No problem," says the man in the corvette, "I’ve got a rope in the back and we’ll tie your bike to the back bumper and you can ride." The man says, "Ok!" They take off and the driver yells back, "Just yell beep beep if I’m going to fast." No problem the man thinks. They come to an Intersection and a Ferrari pulls up, the man’s eye’s widen in fright. Sure enough, the light changes and they're off! Anyway, the guy made it to his brothers on time and the Vette lost. Meanwhile, at the local police dept: "Hey guys the weirdest thing just happened to me. A Ferrari and a Vette just lost me at over 120 mph on Main Street." "What’s so weird about that?" asks the other cops. The first cop says, "There was this old guy on a bike behind them screaming beep beep and trying to pass!"

I decided to train my dogs properly and bought this book, works great.

I dunno, the one in the paddle holster is just about right, plus easily concealed under a jacket.

6%? That many?

I agree that this could be a long drawn out process. That being said, I also believe that the DOJ and FBI should be looking through these emails and indicted all of them for attempting to subvert the Election results, therefore attempting to subvert the American Government's operations.

Thanks to Elusive_Butterfly The flood of Trump-fearing American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus among left-leaning Americans who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, pay taxes, and live according to the Constitution. Canadian border residents say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, liberal arts majors, global-warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. "He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just stuck their fingers in their ears and kept coming. Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border, where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Alberta border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier water, or any gemelli with shrimp and arugula. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley cabernet and some kale chips. When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear persecution from Trump high-hairers. Rumors are circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution, and find jobs that actually contribute to the economy. In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Barbara Streisand CD's, and are overloading the internet while downloading jazzercise apps to their cell phones. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "After all, how many art-history majors does one country need?

I think, in that pic, Bill looks more like he's not all that well to me.

LOL, and poor Chelsea looks like "Oh God Mom, just shut up"

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."

Well, look at the average voter in the US. The average voter just votes in one of two ways' The way he's told to vote in the last ad he sees, or for the person that promises the most to him personally. I don't call that real bright and from what I see around the internet, the UK is just as bad or worse.