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Everything posted by Nan

  1. Nan

    A few funnies

    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.' WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws' WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS' The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM. He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece
  2. Nan

    RIP Old Friend

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights I Want It Now Someone Else Is To Blame I'm A Victim Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
  3. Nan

    mIRC automation

    Excellent !!!!!!!!
  4. Nan

    mIRC automation

    Kia ora Tony, you asked about a sound for your nickname and I knew there was a way but didn't remember how untl later (story of my life) Anyway, go to your AddressBook and the "Highlight" tab then "Add" in the menu that opens put the name and you can add a sound and a text colour plus some other bits and pieces. Hope that helps
  5. Nan

    Picture of my sister's doggie Sota

    She's very cute, Dash !!!
  6. Nan

    For everyone not Down Under

    LOL love it !!
  7. Nan

    New Kitten

    She's very cute !!
  8. Nan

    My new look

    Having gone through nerve pain with my granddaughter, I find it interesting that with the medical science we have today, they still don't seem to be able to do much about that kind of pain. A spinal cord stimulator helps her but I guess it wouldn't do much for a facial nerve problem. You look very handsome with that big blue bruise on your face 😁
  9. No idea Smiley, it's been a family story for some years (the family come from a long line of archdeacons and the like) and always the quote was as posted
  10. Reading some of those Q and A's again, reminds me of a true story -- a Religious Studies question in a school exam was Q. "Who said 'Eli Eli Eli, my son" ? One young boy responded with his answer A. "Eli's father" The boy got a detention for being a smartypants however even as a grown adult, he never ever found out exactly who did say "Eli Eli Eli, my son"
  11. Some of those answers are very clever and quite amusing
  12. No Smiley, the cargo cult thing is pretty much worn out in PNG, however in Vanuatu on the island of Tanna there is a huge village that still believes in cargo cult and they worship a man called John Frum (which is thought to be John from .....) who gave them some gifts many many years ago and said he'd be back. It's actually a really interesting village and I've spent time there with the Chief as one of our waitresses came from the village and we were invited to visit.
  13. Most of you know I was away for a while with my girls in PNG, so thought I'd add a few photos. We were in the Milne Bay area of PNG which is where a lot of the big WW2 battles were fought, so a lot of interesting things to see, as well as the traditional dancers and the beautiful scenery.
  14. Nan

    My grandson's rock band

    Thats great Koach, the kids must have had heaps of fun and learned new things for their music too
  15. Nan

    Nan, is this your Boxer.

    LOL ... no but it looks a bit like Tzutzu (Kiri's boxer girl) and something she would do as she's still a baby. Interesting that the boxer has a docked tail, it's illegal to do that here, although I think it's still allowed in New Zealand. So, all our boxers have long tails and boy can they hurt when they are furiously wagging them to let you know how happy they are to see you lol
  16. Nan

    New wheels and rims

    oh wow, they are really nice and somewhat classy too !
  17. Nan

    A Visual Pun

    LOL !!!!
  18. Nan

    Happy Brthday, Koach

    Happy Birthday Koach !!
  19. Nan

    Happy Birthday Nan!

    Thanks lovely people, I had a busy but great day that started with strawberries and cream and went quickly downhill from there, ending with cake and more cream, icecream and even a little champagne .. very nice indeed !!!
  20. Nan

    reclaimer's pets

    All very cute and I'm guessing much loved too, pat ... thanks for sharing with us !
  21. Nan

    Ozzy Man Reviews Soccer Dives

    The level of profanity in Australia is in line with the level of "class" or lack thereof. I don't swear often and when I do it's normally when nobody but I can hear it, but I do when I see someone referred to as "Ozzy". That makes me wonder if it's genuine, or just something "made for video". It's "Aussie" folks ... Oz was a mystical land in an American movie. The video is hilarious and yes, some of those players are not very good actors !!
  22. Happy Birthday Star !!!!!!! Have a spectacular day filled with laughter and happiness. xx
  23. Nan

    R.I.P Whitey

    Louts ? louts !!!!!!!! ... I don't know about them either 😂😂
  24. Nan

    R.I.P Whitey

    Well, sometimes in grief, it's easier to talk about them by remembering little jokes and things that happened when they were alive.
  25. Nan

    R.I.P Whitey

    I agree with Smiley, he typed well at times. He was a beautiful cat that's for sure